It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
