I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
