yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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