I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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