Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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