i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
