Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
