my sisters under your porch take her home
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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