I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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