This gyro tastes like lonliness
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
