Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
