Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We need a shit load of segways right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
