hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
