i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
