and you said cock pushups were impossible
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
