Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
