i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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