He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
