Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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