Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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