Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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