everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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