I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my poor anus
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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