Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
