I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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