don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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