he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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