ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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