i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
