The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
