nut hugger
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
