I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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