I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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