With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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