Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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