so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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