watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
