last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize