toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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