honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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