His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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