FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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