Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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