my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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