Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
