i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
