i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
