someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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