I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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