STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
