You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
