The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
