her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
