he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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