Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we should paint friendship bongs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
