I hope mine doesn't look like that
In America we eat man semen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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