Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
