At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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