How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
