did you get engaged???
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
