You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
