Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
