I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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