Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bring money and cleavage
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
