Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
