just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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