Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
