She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
