so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
