Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
