I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
