Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
