god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
