I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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