how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
